The things that they DIDNT tell me about pregnancy & child birth

Good morning moms!

I wanted to take a minute this morning to log down all of those things that I was NEVER warned about when it came to pregnancy and child birth. I figure this will be a decent list, but perhaps we can find some humor in it for the morning. I like to start my days off with a laugh, every day. Here it is:

The Things They DIDNT Warn me About:
1) You will probably get an ultrasound within 6 - 12 weeks of your pregnancy, but dont expect it to be that cute little thing that glides actoss your lower tummy. Theyre sticking that monsterous trans-vaginal one up there to check out the baby. Be prepared, its NOT comfortable, and totally awkward! 
2) Around 37 weeks pregnant, theyre going to swab a Q-tip around your booty hole to test for Group-B Strep... I expected the Q-tip to come with the pap, but I was NOT expecting THAT!!
3) You might as well invest in pantyliners. You won't be having a period, but you will spend a large amount of time wondering why everything is so "moist" down there. I hated that feeling. 
4) They told you you would pee when you sneezed, but they didnt tell you that you would pee when you laughed, coughed, jumped, yelled, tried to sit up, and sometimes for no reason at all. But dont expect to see a whole lot of pee when youre on the toilet READY for it. Thats just too easy, isn't it? 
5) Blood flow to your lower regions will cause that area to swell up a bit... This kind of feels like the baby is falling out. Do not be alarmed, your baby is not falling out, but that doesnt make it any less uncomfortable. 
6) When you are giving birth, you might throw up. You might also poop on the table while pushing. These are not things you can really prevent or need to even worry about, but it could totally happen.
7) Once the baby is out, the Dr. will start pressing on your gut with both hands pretty hard to get everything else out. This is not comfortable, and they will continue to do this every 8 hours or so for the next 24 hours.
8) You might get "fisted." After my daughter popped out, the Dr was reaching in to make sure everything else was out safely, and I happened to look when that happened. She was practically elbow deep in my daughters previous home!! I shouted "did you just FIST me?" she couldnt stop laughing.
9) You will get a squirt bottle called a peri-bottle to clean yourself with after birth. This will be your friend EVERY time you have to pee. Use it and love it my friends, it is a life saver when you can not wipe!
10) You can not leave the hospital until you poop for the 1st time after having your baby. I never thought pooping would be so scary, but when you have just pushed out a baby and you are feeling rather mangled down there, the last thing you want is something else solid coming out... ESPECIALLY if you have to push.

Well folks, I will stop at 10, but feel free to comment and add to my list!!! Hubby and I are going to try again for baby #3 when he gets back from basic training. Lets remember all those moments we were NOT warned about! Have a fantastic day everyone!!