Friday, December 20, 2013

Talking to the moon

Today is a bit rough for me as a mom. My son wanted milk, and when I gave it to him, he started throwing a fit because it was in a yellow cup and not a red cup. It has been an hour, and he is still screaming. No, I will not give in and teach him that it is ok to behave this way. No, I will not reward his behavior by giving him what he wants. You get the yellow cup, or you get nothing at all. 

Times like this, I usually lean on Richard to give me a break for a bit so I can keep my sanity, but as most of you know, Richard is in the Navy and he is not here right now. He left before Thanksgiving, and he will be gone until 2014... My heart is broken so badly right now because I have never missed someone so much in my life. I love that man more than words could even describe, and I want him to come home so badly.
Here is the song I have clung to tonight. 

I know being a military wife is a sacrifice, that was never something that I was unaware of, but I swear to you that doesnt make it hurt any less. As Christmas draws closer, I just wish it would go away. Celebrate Christmas when the love of my life is alone in hell and going through basic training? How could I celebrate ANYTHING without feeling selfish? No thank you. My kids miss their daddy, and no matter how I try to explain it, they just dont understand why he is gone. 

It was heartbreaking to hear my 4 year old tell Santa Clause that she wants her daddy for Christmas... Do you even know what that felt like? I thought I was going to die right there in that moment from the knife that plunged into my heart. I was not prepared to hear that, nor did I even know how to react to it, because I couldn't cry without making her cry as well... 

I want you to all hug your babies extra tight tonight, and kiss your husbands/boyfriends/fiancees. Do this because you CAN, and because you have the MOMENT, while others may not... Count the days down to Christmas, and enjoy your family. I will be counting down the days until my husband is in my arms again... Promise me that you will make the most of EVERY moment you are given, and that you will not waste precious time fighting over things that will not matter days from now. I wish I had not fought over such little things, and I wish I had not wasted those precious moments. Times like this, I realize exactly what I have done wrong at times, and I learn from them the hard way. 

I have a stubborn son to deal with, but you bet I will always be more stubborn as a mom than he will be as a toddler. This was true in my childhood with my mother as well. But I have to wonder, is this one of those moments that will I will have considered petty later? Am I wasting precious moments standing up to his fits? Do I give in, and teach him that if he wants something, he should throw a screaming tantrum to get it? 

It's time to dim the lights here and chill out. I will write to you all in the morning, and hopefully in a much better mood than I am in tonight. xoxo

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